Post-Trip Reflections - Part 1

Oh...hello there! It's been a while hasn't it? It seems whenever I say I'll blog, I never do. But let me explain myself...

I've been holding off on this post for a while now. Even sitting here, I'm not exactly sure how to craft my thoughts into words (tbh, I dislike writing, haha). Let me begin, however, by saying that this summer has been incredible -- truly one of the best summers of my life. To be given the opportunity to live, work, and travel in China and Korea for 10 weeks -- wow, just wow. I couldn't be more blessed/thankful. Because of this, I felt that it was more important for me to "live in the moment" rather than documenting every single little thing that I did. And I'm glad that I chose to do this.

On my NSLI-Y trip, I had this mindset that if I didn't blog about my experiences, I would slowly forget them all; however, that's not true. Even though it's been two years, I still remember. I remember the bus rides, the people, the food, the KTV, the park dancing, the shave ice shop next to Zhejiang University. I remember it all. That's not to say that Hangzhou hasn't changed. In fact, it's changed a lot. During a weekend in July, I was able to revisit Hangzhou for a day, and boy, was it different. The sky was murkier due to the growing pollution problem in China; buildings that were still in construction two years ago are now complete; the subway has been extended from the eastern part of Hangzhou to the West Lake area (which I was able to ride for the first time!); many of the shops along University Avenue nearby Zhejiang University has been closed and abandoned (but much to our surprise, the shave ice place was still open! It is under new management, but it had the same blue interior, the same cute cafe layout, the same menu [faded, but still readable], and the same great tasting mango shave ice). Like Hangzhou, I'm a different person from the one I was two years ago. As a result, I decided to do things a bit differently this time around.

I've learned that living and interning in another country can be lonely -- really lonely. I've been to China two times beforehand. Once with NSLI-Y and another with my college. When I was with NSLI-Y, I was on a study abroad program. Things seemed so easy. I lived with a host family who fed me 2-3 meals a day and babied me. I was grouped with 18 other Americans, so it was easy to make friends and explore the city (putting yourself out there is always easier when you have people to support you). Because I adapted well, it honestly didn't feel real. Fast-forward to my trip with my college last spring break. It was only for a week, so I got to experience the touristy side of China :) What was that like, you ask? Tiring. The majority of the trip was spent touring companies like Walmart, Hyundai, and Volvo, while the other half was spent pigging out on 20-course meals and visiting sites like the Great Wall, the Bund, etc. Now...this summer. It was different. I'll explain in a different post because I think this is getting waaay too long, and I'm getting tired :) 

Resiliency

Whoever said senior year is easy was obviously lying. This past month, in particular, has been especially tough on me. Last Thursday, after months of waiting, I was finally notified that I was not a recipient of the prestigious Gates Millennium Scholarship. Was I disappointed? Of course. I poured my heart and soul into the required eight essays, forcing myself to pull all-nighters in order to perfect my application. I desired this scholarship more than anything else in the world, and for good reasons - as a scholar, the burden of paying for college would be completely eliminated. But, again, despite how much I wanted this, I was not chosen. Seeing the thin envelope in my dad's car, I quietly told my dad that I was not selected. He quickly comforted me, and reminded me that disappointments are inevitable.

Although I was not selected as a Gates Millennium Scholar, I just want to thank everyone for all of the support and encouragement you have provided me. I was heartbroken, yes, but I have come to understand that this does not define me nor my accomplishments. I am honored and  lucky to have even made it this far - being selected as a finalist out of 52,000 applicants. Congratulations to those selected as part of the 2014 cohort! I am so incredibly happy for all of you, especially after seeing all of your "selfies" and posts :) You are all so deserving of this scholarship. I know many of you have had to overcome many adversities in your lives, so I am very glad that Gates will open up numerous opportunities for the lot of you.

To my fellow non-recipients - whether for Gates, NSLI-Y, or anything else - please know that rejection and failure does not signify the end of the world. Paying for college may come as a bit of a struggle now, but it's merely a minor setback. Achieving your PhD, MBA, etc is entirely possible if you continue to work hard. I know you are all capable of this, because I have seen the resiliency, optimism,and humility that you have all displayed in the face of this disappointment. As for me, I have already started working towards my own goals. I wish you all the very best in life, and to my fellow Gates applicants, I wish you the very best in your college endeavors :)

Before I end my post, I would just like to give a big thanks to NSLI-Y, American Councils, and the US Department of State. This is long overdue, but I just wanted to say that I am very grateful to have received the opportunity to travel to Hangzhou last summer. I have made incredible life-long friends while I was there, and it is because of my experiences with NSLI-Y that I have been able to remain resilient in the face of failure and rejection. To those embarking on their own NSLI-Y journeys this year - especially those going to Hangzhou - I hope you are all ready for the greatest experiences of your lives :) And last but not least, here is my final NSLI-Y post. One year after starting this blog, I am finally ending this amazing journey :)

Sunday (August 11)

Final day in Hangzhou, and I was a complete mess. From the moment I arrived in front of the school, I started crying like a baby. Luckily, I wasn't the only one feeling all somber - Alex, Michelle, Nancy, and Sander were sobbing with me too.

Our host families waving goodbye to us

Boarding the bus, we called Sander and my host sister one last time before we had to turn in our NSLI-Y phones. I think Sander was still crying, because he sounded really sniffly and sad over the phone ;__; The ride back to Shanghai was about 3 hours, and then we boarded a 13-hour flight back to Chicago. When we reached Chicago, I cried again. Because I was the only one staying overnight in Chicago (everyone else had a connecting flight), I had to say goodbye to everyone within minutes of passing customs. Goodbyes have never been easy for me. 

Can you tell I cried?

Until Next Time,

Christine

Gap Year?

This post has nothing to do with NSLI-Y or traveling, but I just felt the need to blog about this anyways. With junior year coming to a close, it seems like it has become increasingly crucial for me to figure out what I want to do in life. But the problem is I don't exactly know what I want to do in life.

My goal has always been to graduate high school and then attend a top-notch college. I mean, isn't that most people's goal? Lately, however, I've been thinking of going in a different direction. In the fall, I am planning to apply for another NSLI-Y scholarship to study in China for a full year (okay, so I lied. It is sort of related to NSLI-Y and traveling). If I were to get in, that would mean taking a gap year.

Taking a gap year has never been on my agenda before, but the prospect of studying Chinese in China for a whole year is just so enticing! Plus, it will help me re-evaluate my choices and figure out what I want to do in life. Right now, I might say that I want to go into International Business, Business Administration, or Event Management/Coordination, but I just don't really know for sure. Heck, I was even thinking about majoring in Communications & Media and International Relations at the beginning of the year. I seem to change my mind a lot. I do know that I want to minor in Chinese, however, so taking a gap year with NSLI-Y would be beneficial. Not to mention, it would improve my proficiency in Chinese and bring me one step closer to fluency.

So what's the problem? I seem like I'm really keen about taking a gap year abroad don't I? Honestly, I don't really know. I don't know what's holding me back. I guess one reason is because of scholarships. I know that if I were to take a gap year, I might have to forfeit some of my scholarships. Without scholarships and financial aid, going to college would be incredibly expensive and out of my reach. It's something that I have to think over long and hard.

Well, this was a pretty useless post. I'm not even a senior yet, but it doesn't hurt to think about my choices beforehand. I guess I'll apply for a year scholarship in the fall and see where it goes from there. I really hope I get accepted...that way I can at least keep my options open until the very end. I am positive I want to take a gap year to study abroad, but at the same time, I am hesitant to do so. Ahh, I'm just full of contradictions.

I envy how everyone seems to know what they want to do in life. Yet I am here, still struggling to figure out what I want to do with my own life. My goal for this summer is to do some self-discovering. Maybe it will strengthen my decision to take a gap year after high school? I don't know. Even if it's only for 6 weeks, I know that it will definitely be a rewarding experience.

Until next time,
Christine